Don’t we just love that situation? A person that you don’t work for or that you aren’t obligated to wants to get you to do something and appeals to your sense of community, or tries to get you to do something by stroking your ego. As an aside, I will never forget the time someone tried to get me to do all their ironing for them by trying to compliment me on the quality of mine (nice try – didn’t work.

The distinction that you don’t normally work for that person is somewhat important, as it gives you more freedom on a level playing field. And by making that distinction, I also include the situation of a boss asking you for something that is not part of your job description (like cooking dinner, mending their clothes or whatever when your not employed to do so.).

Also things that might be worthwhile considering, especially if you are known for your skills (like IT etc):

-       is it never ever?

-       Are you open for an exchange (of services): like IT for window cleaning?

-       Do you want to get paid?

-       Are you willing to teach them so they can do it themselves?

-       Do you have a recommendation for a professional service provider?

And without further ado, here is the list of potential answers:

Errrrrrm NOOOO!!!

And feel free to display your utter shock at the audacity of the request in any way you want. Because let’s face it – those questions are actually a nuisance (and more).

I’m not available, let me check if I can recommend a professional service.

The NO is there, and subtle. It does invite the question when you might be available. Apart from that, it makes a subtle reference to the fact that you wouldn’t work for free.

Oh, I can recommend XYZ!

This is not subtle. And it shows that you don’t even entertain the notion of working for free. If you have a distinctive skill set or hobby, it does pay to be prepared. Just saying.

Why yes – I’ve always loved your … (cooking/graphics design skills/…). How do you suggest we proceed?

Here’s your proposal for an exchange – right from the start. I should ward off the freeriders (and will also give a quick taste of how this feels to the other person).

Well, you know, my usual rate is XXX, I usually do a z% friends and family discount.

You’re not saying NO per se, and you’re clearly signalling that you won’t be working for free. Especially, if you are a freelancer or have a marketable skill, it also shows that you won’t be taken advantage of. These things do have a tendency to spread… Yes, I might be speaking from experience.

Look I’m happy to teach you to do it myself!

A very generous deflection. Only to be offered if you are either willing to teach, or are very very sure that you won’t be taken up on the offer. Otherwise, all parties will likely suffer within this arrangement.

No – I do not do this for others.

Clear and succinct. It does come with the side effect that you might get a not-generous labels.

And this does lead to last little nugget for today:

The people who are most outraged about your boundaries are the ones that benefit the most from you not having them…

That’s it for today! See you with the next step which is all about a client request that you prefer to not touch.

PS Everything on boundaries can be found here

Here’s more on boundaries