On boundaries:
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Did you spot it? The introductory title here is different. Because there’s a gazillion things that might bother you, and it’s not really about those things, but about how you set the boundary. We are approaching the high art for boundary setting here.
Today’s example is saying NO to a person you’re emotionally involved with, for example your partner – it’s not about saying no to the relationship. It’s a tiny but important distinction to make.
Read on for more!
“Hey, I know this is not part of your job, but…”
Cue the request that is outside working hours / your expertise / job description or other - take your pick. Now what?
Read on for insights and ideas how to ward off those requests.
Let’s assume you’re running a business. I bet you’ve been confronted with the “the customer is always right”-thing!
If you are responsible for the (financial) success of a business, it absolutely is your prerogative to decide which demands you are going to accept and which you will not.
The “will not accept”-part might feel tricky, though, when it requires some finesse. So here are some suggestions.
Don’t we just love that situation? A person that you don’t work for or that you aren’t obligated to wants to get you to do something and appeals to your sense of community, or tries to get you to do something by stroking your ego.
The people who are most outraged about your boundaries are the ones the benefit the most from you not having them…
So clearly, this is a case where clear boundaries will benefit you, especially if you happen to “marketable” skills - and we all do have those!
The setting might look nice - does it feel nice? No? Say NO!
The holidays are getting closer and closer and not everyone is looking forward to spending time with Uncle Bob and Aunt Hillier. Are you? If not, you might need some inspiration on saying no? Lucky for you - here are some suggestions:
I guess we all know that situation: “Hi – what about having a drink after work?”
Cue the dread for whatever reason. Here are a few (hopefully inspirational) answers for you!
Sometimes, it’s better to have examples than theories. So let’s start: 40 ways of saying NO.
A multiple step guide with situations and how to say NO plus an evaluation on effectiveness.
Here’s the kickoff, the rest will follow in several steps!
When people meet – it's highly likely that boundaries will meet, too. In a perfect world, they would slot together like puzzle pieces, I imagine. Unfortunately, the world is often less than perfect, and the automatic slotting will remain wishful thinking. Some careful alignment dances are probably necessary. So what does that mean?
The thing with boundaries is – there’s always the other side of the coin. Someone communicates THEIR boundaries and suddenly you find yourself on the side of them that smarts. AKA the outside. So now what?
You have defined your boundaries on a topic? Great! Now, how do you communicate? There are two aspects that drive your communication: clarity and nearness to the recipients, and they are pretty compatible!
There are often circumstances where the sheer mention of boundaries makes people think of fences, walls, moats…. Now – quick question for you: will you walk into every house that’s not locked up tight? Probably not, am I right?
So how to handle (personal) boundaries? Let’s have a look - or more.
Let’s be honest: Nobody is going to give a medal either for NOT setting boundaries. It’s likely that while you revel in the feeling of being universally liked, people will subtly first and then not so secretly be walking all over your place. Ascertaining your place (in the world) aka setting boundaries means making the space for you and your personal development.
If you want to pursue the path of setting boundaries – how do you do it?