40 ways of saying NO - Step 2: “How about that afterwork drink?”
Getting a drink with your work group is not your thing today? - saying NO
I guess we all know that situation: “Hi – what about having a drink after work?”
Cue the dread for whatever reason. Here are a few (hopefully inspirational) answers for you!
Just a quick reminder before we dive right in:
NO is a complete sentence
be sure about your reasons why (you’re not wanting to go)
tailor your answers around those reasons (or pick the one that fit YOUR reasons best from this list)
you don’t actually have to give those reasons out loud
“Hi – what about having a drink after work?”
“NO”
Well, yes, its the obvious answer (because we’re talking about saying no…)
I’m out!
Still an obvious answer, less direct than the simple one.
I’m out today.
Adds a qualifier, and as such begs the next question, such as “next time, then?”. If that’s what you mean - perfect!
I’m out today, maybe next time?
Easily digestible, because the door actually stays open. If there is no ulterior motive from the group that’s easily accepted. And by ulterior motives, I mean red flags.
I don’t drink.
To be honest, it seems an ambivalent answer, as it invites discussion. If it’s the truth and you are willing to go into the topic: fine.
If not, maybe refrain and keep it simple. Additionally, in case this answer is more of a front: it’s easily sussed out.
I’m sorry, I’m tired.
This might be an invitation to discuss as well: Surely you don’t go to sleep at 6p.m.? If this is actually the case, I’d actually recommend either sticking to “not today” or be even more specific: “I’m not feeling well / coming down with something / …”. Otherwise, I’d suggest going for a different answer.
I don’t feel comfortable (enough) in this team.
First of all kudos for having the courage to say that! And it needs to be addressed! However, my recommendation would be: this is not the moment to do so. The answer you can expect is “That’s why we’ll have the drink, to get to know each other better…”.
In case there’s more to your answer than not knowing the people in your team: consider keeping it simple here and bringing up the issue in an actual meeting with your manager or your team.
What do you think? Feel free to comment more variations of how to get out of those drinks below!
PS Everything on boundaries is available here
Here’s more on boundaries
Let’s be honest: Nobody is going to give a medal either for NOT setting boundaries. It’s likely that while you revel in the feeling of being universally liked, people will subtly first and then not so secretly be walking all over your place. Ascertaining your place (in the world) aka setting boundaries means making the space for you and your personal development.
If you want to pursue the path of setting boundaries – how do you do it?