hABiTS – those tiny tricky beasts (Part 1)
Habits - the beasts that seem to sabotage our lives…
So let me guess – you had bag full of things that you wanted to do differently this year (notice how I avoided the word cha….. shhh, not going there). And now that the year has been underway for a bit, they have fallen wayward. That yoga mat is gathering dust, the running shoes make for an excellent decorative object on the stairs, your mobile phone is still interacting with you all day long while you absentmindedly feed on coffee and chocolate?
Yep – it’s a clear case where the tiny and sneaky habit mastermind has struck again. Darn! So much for doing things differently.
Before you start berating yourself for not being strong enough, skillful enough, or just for being lazy and stupid – all of which is NOT true, by the way – let’s have a look at what is actually happening there.
What on earth is my brain doing here?
Our brain is overloaded with information 24/7 even without the added bonus of modern technology in the form of a smartphone: the weather, the way you are feeling, the way your spouse is feeling, the kids, the dog’s antics, and so on. You probably know better than me what you’re dealing with on a daily basis.
The way we as beings have learned to deal with this overload is the same as our ancestors as well as any being on the planet deal: filters and automated reactions. You don’t overthink, you just do. And any person who has dithered with decisions in front of your wardrobe at 5a.m. on a Monday morning will attest that that’s exhausting with a capital E.
Habits actually help us survive a day by limiting the number of conscious decisions we have to make and with that limiting the exhaustion our brains (and us) are feeling.
Habits are the brain’s autopilot
So when you start that new diet? And you’re not changing the food choices you have in your house and your fridge? Every bite you want to take might turn into a conscious decision of “not this, I want to go for the healthy choice”. Let’s add the fact that we can only take a handful of careful decisions per day without exhausting ourselves. It’s probably a safe bet that you’re exhausted before lunch. Sounds about right?
Instead of then turning on ourselves and pouring the self-loathing on thick: it’s not a question of will-power, nor laziness, no stupidity. You are just attempting something that you are not programmed to do. You are trying to actively override the autopilot on a continuous basis. Aka – it’s turned into a constant fight with yourself.
The good news: there are ways to learn and re-program. It takes a bit of training, just like any sports or craft or skill does. Think of it as learning a new skill. You might stumble a bit until you emerge a beautiful swan with new habits.
How to pick up those new skills? Stay tuned for part 2!
Here’s more on change…
I totally get how paying a compliment will make us feel better – us as the ones paying the compliment. And I also get how the assumption comes about that the recipient will feel better, too. After all, we are full of good intentions – and intend to “spread the love and positivity”.
How do we make sure that the recipient will indeed feel the love - and not resentment, anger or worse? Let's find out!