hAbItS – the tiny tricky beasts (Part 2)
Habits - the beasts that seem to sabotage our lives…
Remember that feeling when you tried to change things up? Did you have big plans for more sports, less social media, healthy eating, less work (or more…). Preferably all, or at least a bundle of the above, or more, implemented within a month? You even found those articles “New habits - New you in 21 days”?
Sounds vaguely familiar? And you started all motivated – and things kind of went off kilter pretty fast?
If you haven’t read yet why habits are actually a pretty useful trick for our brain to perform, I recommend you hop on over to part 1 first and then come back for this part.
In part 1, I talked about how habit forming saves our brain the effort of conscious decision making and basically puts us on autopilot for the majority of our daily decisions.
So let’s have a look at some figures (only two, I promise):
35,000 – a widely known software company has come up with that figure for the number of decisions we face each day. Even if there does not seem to be scientific backing available for this, the number of things we decide on and do each day is staggering. Most of them are done unconsciously but might turn out to be active decisions once you change things: get up instead of hitting snooze. Yoga in the morning? Run? Core strength exercises? Meditation? Which clothes? Shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair (or not), breakfast choices (probably at least two, and we’re not going into combos), bike / bus / train / car / walk to work?.... So we’re now roughly at 8:30 am. Sound right?
50 – the number of times an action will roughly have to be repeated (at least) before it becomes somewhat automatic. In fact, some studies show an average of 66 times.
Well. I guess that explains what is happening when we want to change everything in our lives at the beginning of January and then give up 4 weeks later, doesn’t it?
Let’s do a reality check, beginning with the time frame: data suggests that it takes at least 2+ months for daily tasks. I would recommend giving yourself a broader timeframe even then for several reasons:
There is a possibility that it might take you longer than average. Account for that. If you don’t need the time – even better, go ahead, bask in that feeling, and celebrate!
It’s also likely that you might slip in your intentions a day or three. It’s not bad, don’t berate yourself for it. Obviously, those days don’t really count against the habit formation, though.
If we’re talking establishing a morning run routine, for example, I expect your training plan to have rest days, too. Account for them! That means, rest days don’t count against the 66 times average – in which case, the time period extends itself accordingly. Let’s assume you run 3-4 times a week. 66 morning runs translate into a time frame of at least 19 weeks or roughly 5 months, then.
So if you started the new year with the resolution and you did every one of your runs in the mornings, you might by now have established a new habit. Congrats!
[Spoiler alert: I tried. And I’m not there yet. Sighs].
To recap: A time frame from 2+ to up to 5 months (and more) is totally valid. I’d factor that into my planning and manage my own expectations accordingly. Also as an aside: how long have you lived with your current habits? Well…
Now: the sheer number of things. Again, let’s not get hung up on the initial figure: I do have my doubts there, too. However, I guess what IS pretty obvious is that it’s by no means a small number. So let’s take the example I made up at the beginning: morning runs, healthy eating, more sleep, less social media, work. That’s five topics that you need to be aware of every minute of every day to change your habits. Basically you are multiplying the number of decisions you INTEND TO MAKE EACH day by 5! Let me ask you – are you absolutely sure? Because I wouldn’t be. Nopety nope. And I’m pretty sure your brain would agree with me, by the way. As it is, your brain will still have make a staggering number of conscious decisions each day (work, school, kids, you name it). It will have a tendency to reduce the probability of any decision you want to add.
By deciding to change things you are entering into a fight for control with your autopilot. I’m not saying don’t go there, I am saying: Pick your fight! Which in this case means: small steps! One (manageable) topic. Would you take up piano, violin, and oboe lessons at the same time and expect to perform at Carnegie Hall with all three of them by Christmas? Probably not.
I’d encourage you to pick the topic that you want to tackle first. There are several ways to pick it, depending on your mood and your track record:
You could start with an easier one to try for a positive experience
Or, if you’re like me, you tackle the difficult thing first, because then you feel you can do the rest as well
You might want to pick something that drives you up the wall about yourself
Or you just go with something that feels attractive right now.
There is no right or wrong choice with one caveat: pick something you want to choose yourself and that you believe in. That will give you the highest motivation and the highest chance of success.
Interested in how to DO things? – Stay tuned for part 3!
Here’s more on change…
I totally get how paying a compliment will make us feel better – us as the ones paying the compliment. And I also get how the assumption comes about that the recipient will feel better, too. After all, we are full of good intentions – and intend to “spread the love and positivity”.
How do we make sure that the recipient will indeed feel the love - and not resentment, anger or worse? Let's find out!