How about dreams - do you follow them?
Why not? Anything seems possible when we dream it – let’s make it happen!
“You see things; and you say: “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say: “Why not?””
The other day I was preparing for a session on implementing dreams, and prepared for the case that the participants, like quite a few of my clients, would be hesitant to dream. And I started wondering how things change when we grow up – I distinctly remember the wonder of dreaming when I was growing up. The meadow at grandma’s place, the clouds, the breeze and how everything seemed possible when I would grow up (the same held true for mountain tops and beaches as I grew older, by the way).
When do we loose that? And why? So I turned to my browser window and typed: “are we overwhelmed by options when dreaming big?” Lo and behold, among the top results was “The Dangers of Dreaming Big”, “How Having Too Many Options In Life Is Making You Nuts”, and “4 Major Reasons Why We Avoid Dreaming Big”. Oops.
Maybe it’s time to unravel a few things.
From my own business and coaching experience, I’ve learned that dreaming big seems scary because people might feel that they then have to actually implement that big scary dream, und feel totally unprepared for that.
Or a dream opens up soooooo many options, and you just don’t know how to wade through them. Again, maybe it’s a lack of tools. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding on the correlation between dreams and goals. Or maybe something else entirely.
Or, you have a niggling doubt that the life you’re living while being comfortable might not be what you dreamt of in you grandma’s meadow (substitute beach, mountain top, or really any happy place).
There are ways around all of this – want to have a look?
Usually, the first question I tend to ask is this: “does it feel good?” because honestly, a dream you want to pursue should feel good. And I mean really good, not only ok or tolerable. If it doesn’t – is it worth sitting there as YOUR dream? It might be something you feel obliged to do, and it might be worthwhile exploring that. It might be something that you indeed need to do. That’s ok, it’s called life. Beyond that – what would really make you feel good?
It's also worth noting that we are not looking for that one singular thing. In fact, that’s another conception that has been instilled into us culturally: that ONE thing. If specificity is your thing – good for you. It doesn’t need to be though. Personally, I tend to think that the longer the time frame, the higher the risk of not achieving your dream if it’s overly specific. It’s like a teeny tiny target that you’re trying to hit. The farther out, the more parameters and skills will risk deterring you.
So what’s a “good” dream? Is there a good? I feel that would also imply a “bad” part. And apart from nightmares, I don’t think it’s helpful categorizing too much, as there might be a lot of external rules and judgements involved. I also strongly recommend to NOT follow the S.M.A.R.T rules on this – mostly. Just a reminder, SMART implies Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and implementable in a Timely manner. I usually recommend just looking at two aspects: Actionable – if you want to act on it, you should be able to influence any outcome. Basically, dreaming that your partner will buy that villa on a remote island is very nice – and you might only have limited influence on the outcome. And Realistic: we often say the sky is the limit, and that is true for a lot of things. At the same time, I know that at my age and with my physical limitations, it’s highly unlikely that I will ever win an Olympic Gold Medal in any sports. So any dream in that direction is at the same time nice and maybe a slightly unrealistic pipe dream, too.
Basically, as long as its actionable and realistic, yes, anything is possible in a dream. Think of it as the Wifi signal sign: you’re opening a range of options by defining a potential range. All of these might feel equally good, and yet you don’t need to work on implementing them all – they are giving you a general direction.
Range of direction
So how do we then get to acting upon our dreams? I like to use a version of the Disney Method on this. There’s a lot of articles out there, here’s what I like to do:
I usually use the three roles of the dreamer, the planner, and the mentor (I find the critic often induces too much criticism with people having difficulty to allow dreaming in the first place).
Dreamer: If the world were your oyster, what would you love to do? Where would you be, what would you see/hear/smell, and how would this feel? Pluck that feeling out of the air and bottle it up. Describe in detail would it is, how you would enjoy it. Spend some time on how you might even improve this dream.
With that dream firmly in mind – put yourself in your planning shoes: what do you need? Do you have enough information, do you need to research? Where? Do you need support? Who might support you? What else would you need? Training? Money? A team? Just list it. In a next step, I invite you define the very first step, and maybe if possible, the next one or two more. I wouldn’t encourage you to map out a full blown project flow chart – rather define a couple of parameters that will tell you if you’re on track, and a time frame for when to revisit this. Remember, this is a dream, not your next work project. Map this out in writing.
And lastly, imagine a person that you like and support would come to you with this dream and first steps. What would you add, do you have any recommendations? Keep in mind, the mindset is an encouraging one. Again, add those to your original plan.
And just like that, there’s a dream and a draft for a plan. Nobody is going to judge you if you find out that it needs to be altered. And nobody is going to measure your degree of achievement. It’s yours and yours only.
Enjoy!
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
Here’s more on visions and dreams…
I said earlier and I stick to what I said: change is about dreams (and some other things, too, ok ok). And yet, dreams seem to make us uncomfortable as adults. Why is that, how can we overcome this and how do our dreams lead to change?